


Weird ass davekat au where Dave vores his child at his own wedding

by Jisheryboi



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Apple Juice, Babysitting, Children, Crack Fic, Depression, Family, Fluff, Irony, Karaoke, Kim Possible - Freeform, Kisses, M/M, Minecraft, Mom karkat, Soup, Vore, Wedding, baths, davekat - Freeform, husband, matesprit, moirail, naps, parenting, strider be mine
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 18:40:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 3,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18762160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jisheryboi/pseuds/Jisheryboi
Summary: Honestly this has gotten a lot longer than I expected it to be.It’s co written by my friend charley





	1. Chapter 1

Weird ass davekat au where Dave vores his child at his own wedding

 

TG: karkat I want child  
CG: OH

4 months later

CG: DAVID  
TG: what  
CG: DAVID  
TG: yeah?  
CG: I GOT A FUCKIN HUMAN SURGERY SO NOW I CAN HOLD YOUR DUMB FUCKING HUMAN CHILD  
TG: oh

And then they do the human bed dance and then karkat has child 9 months later!

 

TG: wow that’s a terrifying child I love it  
CG: STFU ITS A BEAUTIFUL GRUB WITH LONG ARMS  
TG: yes I love our child  
CG: WHAT SHOULD WE NAME OUR  
DAUGHTER!?  
TG: lil Wayne  
CG: IS THAT ONE OF YOUR HUMAN RAPPERS  
TG: lil Wayne was a legend  
CG: WE ARE NOT NAMING OUR DAUGHTER LIL WAYNE  
TG: Kanye west  
CG: DAVE  
TG: lil wanye west  
CG: OMFG  
TG: actually I’m getting more of a kim possible vibe from her  
CG: FINE WELL NAME HER KIM THE-  
TG: lil kimye impossible west strider-vantas  
CG: FINE  
TG: B)

 

And then Dave does the proposal of marriage!!!1!1!2!!!! And the karkat does the big happ cry and he say yes!1!1!1!!1!112222

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also TF stands for Tiny Fetus. It’s kimyes pester tag


	2. The Wedding

-Wedding day-

CG: ILY DAVE

TG: hold on I need a snack

CG: DAVE WE ARE CURRENTLY GETTING MARRIED IS NOW THE TIME FOR SNACKS!?

TG: hold on

 

Dave then pulls something out of his pocket. It’s lil kimye impossible west strider-vantas!! Dave proceeds to attempt to vORE his own child.

 

CG: DAVE DONT VORE OUR CHILD!

CG: DAVE

CG: DAVE SPIT IT OUT

CG: SPIT IT OUT DAVE

CG: DAVE NO

CG: WHAT ARE YOU DOING

CG: TO OUR BABY

TC: hOnK

CG: STFU

TF: fatHER nO

CG: WTF SHE CAN TALK!?

TG: dude this mother fucker is a rap god

TF: meEP

TC: MoThEr FuCkInG hOnK

Dave then decides that the snack is best saved for later. As the snack in-front of him (karkat) was enough to soothe his appetite .


	3. The Stress Of Motherhood

-Dave walks in on karkat having a candle lit bath, with a glass of white wine, reading his favourite alternian romance novel-

 

CG: THE STRESS OF MOTHERHOOD HAS CAUSED ME TO GO INTO A DEPRESSION

TG: depression? Isn’t that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out?

CG: DAVID YOU IGNORANT SLUT

CG: LISTEN IVE HAD A VERY LONG, HARD DAY

CG: AND I JUST NEED SOME ME TIME

TF: fatHER I wroTE a raP

TF: snooOOB dooOOB wubWUB wubwubwunWUBWUBEUB

TG: dude those are some sick beats

I can totally jam to that

TF: wuB wUB wub moTHER iN thE tUB

CG: WTF CANT YOU GUYS DO THIS LATER IM HAVING ME TIME IN THE TUB

CG: I DO NOT WANT TO BE NAKED IN FRONT OF MY DAUGHTER

TF: owO heLLO

TF: I muST giB yOU A grUB hUG

CG: MOMMY NEEDS SOME TIME RIGHT NOW OKAY? IVE BEEN VERY STRESSED!

TG: stop being a little nook

CG: 0:B

TG: I’m sorry ily

CG:SIGHHHHHH

TG: okay why don’t you and I go out tonight?

TG: it’s been a while since we’ve done that

CG: THAT DOES SOUND NICE

CG: BUT WHERE WILL WE GET A BABY SITTER

TG: well what are moirails for?

CG:FUCK NO THAT CLOWN IS NOT BEING LEFT ALONE WITH MY DAUGHTER HE’LL KILL HER

TG: c’mon that was one time

CG: NO IT WASNT- UGH FINE IM DONE ARGUING

CG: NOW FUCK OFF SO I CAN FINISH MY BATH AND GET READY FOR OUR DATE

TF: whAT iS a fuCK

CG: YOU ARE NOW GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM

TF: yeeET iT iS I, fuCK

TF: *gives him a little kiss on the forehead and yeets out

TF: fatHER I crAVE soUP

TG: alright I’ll give you some hot water and that flavour packet that comes in the instant ramen packages

TG: then daddy needs to go pester a psycho clown that’s going to hang out with you for a bit

TG: it’ll be fun

TG: a little dangerous maybe

TG: I wonder if gamzee has even seen a baby before

TG: other than when he was a baby

TG: I’m sure it’ll all be fine

TF: whAT iS a gamZEE

TF: iS iT so0UP

TF: :D

TG: honestly

TG: maybe

TG: but gamzee is your mums moirail

TG: his best friend

TG: and in a non biological way

TG: your uncle

TG: uncle gamzee

TF: oonCLE goomZOO

TF: hoNk?

TG: yes that fellow

TG: from the wedding

TG: you met him there

TG: karkat tried to keep contact between you and him limited tho

TF: whY

TF: owO?

TG: uhhhhhhhhh

TG: that’s a story for when you’re older

TF: kAY thaTS noT skeTCHY aT aLL

TG: nope

TF: hE souNDS veRY trusTWORTHY wiTH a sMALL baBY

TG: indeed very

TF: hehehEHEH...

TF: I feEL saFE

TG: good

TG: alright eat your soup and drink your aj and daddy has to go get ready for his date tonight

TF: sluRP sluRP loVE yoU dAD

TF: *face plants in the soup cause the void was calling her*

TF: bubbLE bubBLE

TF: looK iM becOMING motHER anD drowNING iN mY respoNSIBLITUEE

 

Just then karkat emerges from te bathroom looking as beautiful as ever. He cleans up daves mess of a meal and prepares a proper meal and anything gamzee might need for child care.

 

TF; OwO moM yOU loOOK likE a snACC

CG: YOU REALLY ARE DAVES CHILD

CG: (,:B

TF: yeS thAT iS mY fatHER

TF: B)

TF:>B)

 

Then Dave comes out to join his family. He is looking rather sharp. He walks over and kisses karkat on the cheek. Ew

 

TF: uwuwuWUWU

TF: groSS

TF: wOW geT a rOOm

TF: *~*

TF: :3

 

 

CG: (:B

TG: alright as soon as gamzee gets here we should be set to go

 

*distant honk*

 

CG: O LAWD HE COMIN

 

TF: asgjjADHKJFS?

TF: thE neaRING hoNK iS symbOLIC oF thE neaRING thrEAT oF deaTH

TF: caNT waiT tO haVE a toTALLY rAD nigHT witH thIS cENTIAN goOSE creaTURE

 

And then the doorbell rings. Karkat heads over and as expected gamzee is standing there

 

TC: HoNk

 

They hug. It’s been a while since the moirails have seen each other. Karkat busy with family, gamzee, gamzee.

 

TF: whaTS uP fUnKY cloWN duDE

TC: MoThEr FuCkInG mIrAcLeS fRiEnD

TF: mOM saID iM a fUCK

TC: :o) hONK

TF: hoNK?

TC: rIgHt On LiTtLe DuDe

TF: yAY hONK! :D

TF:IM liL kimYE impoSSIBLE weST striDER-vanTAS

TC: mOtHeR fUcKiNg MiRaClE tO bE mEeTiNg YoU :o)

CG:... |:B

CG: WELL THEN WELL BE OFF HAVE FUN DONT KILL MY CHILD AND BEDTIME IS 7

TF: mOM daD I liKE thIS gUY caN I keEP hIM

TF: :D

 

Kimye hugs the strange tall clown goose troll thing, she’s not sure what he is honestly. But she is in love. Her tiny toddler hands are as stated. Tiny.adorable. Grabby. OwO. Hands

 

CG: GAMZEE IS NOT A PET HE IS NOT LIVING IN OUR HOUSE

CG: IVE ALREADY GOT ENOUGH ON MY PLATE I DONT NEED TO BE CLEANING UP AND PROVIDING FOR A STONER CLOWN

TC: hOnK:o)

TG: alright goodbye kimye and gamzee

see you in a few hours

CG: GOODBYE KIMYE MUMMY LOVES YOU MUAH

CG: OH AND GOODBYE GAMZEE TOO

 

Then Dave takes karkat and they head off in like an Uber or something.

 

TF: I loVE yOU tOO

 

Kimye looks and gamzee and hits him with the “:3”

 

TF: fuckIN mirACLE... :3

Oh

TC: mOtHeR fUcKiN yEaH mY fRiEnD

TF: ::ddDDDD

TF: I donT evEN knOW whAT thAT meANA

TF: souNDS rAD

TC: LeT mE tElL yOu AbOuT mIrAcLeS mY fRiEnD


	4. Chapter 4

And then we cut to Dave and karkat at the date. More MiRaClEs will happen later

 

CG: WTF DAVE A KARAOKE BAR?

CG: THIS IS YOUR IDEA OF A RELAXING DATE NIGHT

TG: yeah don’t worry it’s a private booth you don’t have to sing in front of anyone

TG: well other than me

TG: you don’t have to sing at all really

TG: here I’ll start

 

Dave goes to the machine to type in a number for a song

 

TG: mining away

CG: OMG

TG: I don’t know what to mine I’ll mine this anyway

CG: WTF

TG: In this minecraft day

TG: so beautiful

CG: JEGUS

This is an alcoholic karaoke bar. It’s gonna get fuckin lit


	5. Chapter 5

Meanwhile at home, Kimye wants to truly test the miracles that this goose troll keeps speaking of by seeing how long she can last with her face shoved in a bowl of clam chowder

 

TC: hA

 

Gamzee sits across the table from kimye just staring at her for a bit. The long silence makes gamzee a little uncomfortable. Is he doing something wrong? Maybe she’s just shy?

 

TC: YoU aLrIgHt ThErE lItTlE bUdDy?

TC: :o/

TF: bubbBLE bubBLE buBBLLEE

 

Suddenly kimye stops moving. I’d like to see a miracle save her now.

>:333

 

TC: ... uHhH

TC: MoThEr FuCk

 

Gamzee picks up the child in both hands holding her out in front of him.

 

TC: LiTtLe BuDdY?

TF: wUBWUBWUB

TC: hOnK :o)

TC: MoThEr FuCkInG mIrAcLeS aLl ArOuNd

TF: :D

TF: I liVED bitCH

TF; liviNG miRACLE riGHT herE

 

Gamzee gives her a big mother fucking hug

 

the smol soup covered child gives him a big old hug right back. Wow this guy is cool

 

TF: duDE I loVE yoU

TF: yoU shoULD liVE wiTH mE :D

TF: I cAN shoW yoU mY soNGS

TF: mY nAmE isnT liL kimyE impoSSIBLE weST strIDER-vanTAS foR notHING :3

TC: MoThEr FuCkInG yEaH mY lItTlE fRiEnD

TF: goOSE uncLE caN I siNG fOR yOU :D

TC: hAvE aT iT mY lItTlE fRiEnD

TF: ahEM

TF: ahemememEMAHEMEM

TF: :D

TF:

TF;

TF;

TF: chickichiKIKIKI wuBWUBWUBWUB boYS iN thE tUB. moOSEMOSEMOOSE I loVE mY goOSE. wuBWUBWUBWUB

TF: :D

TF: dO yOU liKE iT

TC: :o|

TC: :,o)

TC: hOnK

TC: mOtHeR fUcKiNg SiCk BeAtS

TF: yAY

TF: watCH thIS

TF: :D

TF: :oD

TC: tHaTs MoThEr FuCkInG bEaUtIfUl

TC: hOnK hOnK :0)


	6. Chapter 6

AIT BACK TO THE BOIS

 

Dave has just finished his 3rd minecraft song in a row when he busts out this song

 

TG: 4, 3, 2, fuck you

CG: NO NO NO NO NO FUCK NO

TG: listen up y’all this shit is ironic

TG: striders beats are best suited to trolls hooked on phonics

CG: I SWEAR TO GOG DAVE

TG: karkalicious definition makes terezi loco

CG: NO STOPPPP

 

Karkat proceeds to drink his problems away

Now we have a wasted karkat

And Dave

Dave

Oh Dave

 

TG: she wants to know the secrets that she can’t taste in my photo

CG: AHHHHHHHH

 

and that went on for a while. Then Dave sang some more rap songs. Finally a drunken karkat decided it was his turn for a song

 

*music starts playing*

CG: ILL TAKE YOU OUT TONIGHT

CG: DO WHATEVER YOU LIKE

CG: STRIDER STRIDER BE MINE

CG: STRIDER BE MINE

TG:


	7. Chapter 7

TF: sO clOWN duDE, dO yOU evER juST fiND youRSELF talKING tO peopLE thAT liKE, onLY yoU cAN seE mY duDE  
TF: iVE goT thIS onE rAD buDDY wiTH a siCK bAD bOI viBE  
TC: :o|  
TC: MoThEr FuCkInG wHo My GoOd BrO?  
TC: :o?  
TF: I caLL hiM “ghOST brO” :D  
TF: cauSE heS a ghOST  
anD mY bRO  
TF: BD *sunglasses smiley face   
TC: mOtHeR fUcKiN cOoL mY fRiEnD  
TC: ...  
TC: wAnNa Go BrEaK sHiT?  
TC: :o)  
TF: heCK yES mY duDE!!!  
TF: :D mY daDS aRE usuALLY liKE  
TF: ahEM  
TF: yo kimye, don’t break shit, that’s not cool  
TF: yA knOW?  
TF: anD liKE  
TF: KINYE MY SWEET SWEET BABY STOP CUTTING MY VERSACE BAG  
TF: yA kNOW  
TC: AmEn My SiStEr  
TF: yE yoUR a rAd DuDE yoU gET iT  
TF: whAT arE wE breAKING?  
TC: tHe HoPeS aNd DrEaMs Of ThE iNnOcEnT


	8. Chapter 8

TF: duDE caN I jUST  
TF: conFIDE my soUL iN yOU?  
TF: thERES thIS reAL ugLY duDE thAT kinDA jUST staRES aT mE thrOO thE winDOW  
TF: hE loOKS reAL harmLESS amD stuPID buT oH boY  
TF: he grEASY aS feCK  
JOSH: wow rude did you just call Cronus ugly?  
JOSH: smh kids these days  
TF: wOWZA ?  
TF: arE yoU tHE greAsY laD  
JOSH: huh what no, well maybe? Well fuck I am now I guess   
JONUS: howvdy  
TF: howDY tO yOU tO bitCH  
JONUS: vwowv rude  
JONUS: you do realize I am like... the puppet master here  
JONUS: also like a greaser fish bloke idk man  
JONUS: I’m not sure vwhats happening at this point  
TF: B)  
JONUS: look okay man I probably should’ve just stayed out of this but I didn’t so now I’m here and I kinda fucked shit up? Is it weird if I just leave? Pretend this never happened? Or are we past the point of no return? I mean like idk my place here anymore. I thought I did. Actually I do I’m ‘the puppet master’ . Whatever the fuck that means. I guess I’ll just see myself out and watch from behind the scenes unless I find it necessary to interrupt again. I don’t really actually fit into the story this wasn’t planned. Please continue as I was never here  
JONUS: unhowdy

And with that I make my way to the door to get to my totally sweet tricycle

TF: duDE plEAsE teLL mE iM noT thE oNLY oNE whO sAW thAT?  
TF: tHAT waS onE oF thE moST rAD deaD duDES ivE seEN sO faR

Then suddenly I am crawling back through the window 

JONUS: actually yknow what fuck you I live here now I do what I want  
TF: BD  
TF: oH bOY  
TF: mY owN greASY bloNDE mAN fisH  
TF: it’S whAT ivE alwAYS wanTEd  
TF: :,D  
JONUS: you speak of me as if I’m your pet  
JONUS: honestly that might work, you feed me and take care of me  
JONUS: fuck yeah  
TF: thIS iS shaPING uP tO bE oNE raD spiFFY olD daY huH  
TF: heY hAVE yoU seEN mY hoNK frieND? :o( ?  
JONUS: yeah he’s right here

I appear to pull the clown out of thin air. The clowns normally half lidded high eyes are now fully opened in shock as I seem to have startled him and he is confused 

TF: heY buDDY :oD  
TF: thIS iS joNUS, hES a liTTLE creEPY, hE livES wiTH mE noW  
TF: dO yoU thiNK daD wiLL likE hiM :D  
TC: :o|  
TC: wHaT tHe MoThEr FuCk Is HaPpEnInG  
TC: BrO i HaVe No IdEa HoW i JuSt GoT hEre

Kimye puts on a pair of rad freaking shades and hugs the clowns leg, reassuring him that joNUS will save them all and they should definitely trust him with their lives 

JONUS: uh  
JONUS: imma go search around till I find a place where I shall call my room

I lie, I know where I will stay, under the stairs Harry Potter style fuck yeah. But I just wanna avoid any awkward experiences with these hooligans

TF: heY hUH cloWN friEND dO yoU kNOW weAR mY daDS arE :,(

Kimye is suddenly hit with the cold hard reality of being a toddler 

TF: :,(  
TC: mOtHeR fUcKiN rElAx BrO  
TC: tHeYlL bE bAcK tOmOrRoW  
TF: :,(  
TF: :,,,,,,,,,,,,,(  
TF: :,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,0  
TF: heY dudE iM gonNNA gO loOK oUT thE winDOW anD bE sAD anD dramATIC thAT coOOL?  
TC: oNlY iF iTs In BlAcK aNd WhItE wItH sAd PiAnO mUsIc  
TF: yoU kNOW iT :,(

 

-meanwhile at the karaoke bar Dave and karkat are pretty tired and pretty drunk but it’s nice and they’re enjoying themselves so they won’t be home anytime soon-

TG: hey kitkat?  
CG: HM?  
TG: do you ever think about how you got a surgery to hold my human child when ectobiology is a thing that exists?  
TG: I mean don’t get me wrong I appreciate what you did for us but man it would have been so much easier and less painful just to have an ecto child  
CG: OH SHIT  
CG: YEAH I GUESS YOU’RE RIGHT  
CG: YOU WANNA MAYBE....  
CG: ACTUALLY NEVER MIND  
TG: no go ahead Karkles   
CG: OKAY  
CG: DAVE DO YOU WANNA HAVE AN ECTO CHILD WITH ME?  
TG: I thought you’d never ask

Dave gives karkat a lil kiss

TG: hey why don’t we sing a song to celibate 

Dave punches in a number for a song on the karaoke machine. Cooler than me starts playing and I think you can imagine what happens next. They finish the song then straight up fuck on the floor of the karaoke bar. Reaaallll mature guys .  
Too bad there were no buckets. Messy bois! Very naughty!


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning a hungover Dave and karkat stumble into their home just wanting to crash and lay in bed all day but know they can’t as they have to be responsible adults and parents 

Kimye slept inside a cupboard after honk friend disappeared 

Karkat is speaking lower than his usual yell as to not hurt his head from his massive hangover 

CG: kimye my sweet why are you in the cupboard?  
CG: and where is gamzee?  
CG: did he not tuck you into bed last night?

Dave pours himself a big glass of AJ

TF: mamma Mia  
TF: here we go again   
TF: my my :,( dodo dodo dodo

Kimye continues to sing the rest of Mamma Mia as she is half asleep 

Karkat picks up his child realizing her sleep last night probably wasn’t that great, karkat also very tired decided that he too could use a nap. He informs Dave of his plan and as Dave finishes his apple juice decides to join them too. They all head back to Dave and Karkat’s room to have a family nap

TF: joNUS iS alwAYS watcHING....  
JONUS: sh! Bro don’t blow my cover  
JONUS: shit bro gotta go back into hiding they’ll wake up soon

Karkat wakes up to his family and it warms Karkat’s heart. Dave is already awake patting his daughter as she sleeps and running one hand through Karkat’s hair

TG: hey there Karkitty 

Karkat starts to purr 

TG: I think our daughter has an imaginary friend   
CG: OH?  
TG: yeah it’s like... joe? John? Or I think it was jonus?  
CG: HUH WEIRD   
CG: I GUESS SHE DOESN’T REALLY HAVD ANY FRIENDS HER AGE  
CG: I GEUSS ITS A GOOD THING WE DECIDED TO HAVE ANOTHER CHILD THEN  
TG: oh yeah I almost forgot about that

TF: roooccckkeetmaqAAAAANNNNNN  
TG: I can’t wait for our little family to grow this is going to be so great. 

Dave leans in to give karkat a chaste kiss

TF: howbaaaaadddddcanibEEEE  
TG: haha lil lass singing in her sleep  
TG: man she’s so rad  
TG: wow we were out for a while  
TG: you hungry kitkat?  
TG: I can make some dinner

Man Dave was not a good cook. But he was hungry and due to their nap it had been hours since any of them ate. Normally karkat was the one to cook but he was too tired and hungover to do anything so he didn’t miss the opportunity to take Dave up on his offer 

CG: YEAH SOME FOOD WOULD BE GREAT RIGHT NOW

Dave smiles, lifts kimye handing the sleeping toddler to his husband as he gets up to go to the kitchen.

TF: wubwubwUB  
TF:whatslovveegottadoooogittadoooooooo

Karkat probably would’ve fallen back to sleep if it weren’t for kimyes sudden and loud sleep singing


	10. Chapter 10

TF: heY duDES..? dO yOU evER geT thE feeLING thAT soMEWHERE iN tiME a penGUIN haTES yoU anD kiDNAPS yoU?   
TF: cauSE mooD hahaHA :)

CG: KIMYE EAT YOUR BREAKFAST THEN DADDY AND I ARE TALKING YOU TO YOUR FIRST DAY OF PRESCHOOL 

tf; oH daNG  
TF: quiCK quesTION  
TF: whAT iS thAT :D

CG: ITS WHERE YOU GO TO BEGIN YOUR EDUCATION AND HAVE FUN AND MAKE FRIENDS 

TF: oH  
TF; wHY ?  
TF: ivE neVER mET anY otHER kiDS mUM thIS seEMS skETCHY

CG: IT WILL BE FUN I PROMISE  
CG: TRUST YOUR MUMMY

TF: siiiiggGGHHHHHHH  
TF: buT muuuUUMMMMM  
TF: cAN i briNG mY sCYTHE?

CG: WEAPONS ARENT ALLOWED ON SCHOOL GROUNDS  
CG: STRIFING IS PROHIBITED 

TF: :(  
TF: kAY buT itS mY emoTIONAL suppORT weaPON  
TF: thEY canT legAL taKE iT thEN riGHT? :D

CG: IF ITS A SAFTEY THREAT YES THEY CAN TAKE IT  
CG: BUT THEY WONT TAKE IT BECAUSE IM GOING TO TAKE IT BEFORE YOU LEAVE  
CG: KIMYE SWEETIE COULD YOU HAND OVER THE WEAPON

he holds his hand out expectingly 

TF: :(  
TF: :(  
TF: okeEYY   
TF: thE onLY reASON iM nOT cryING iS cauSE iM nOT A wuSS

she hands it over unwillingly and lets out a dramatic sigh 

CG: YOURE VERY BRAVE FOR DISARMING YOURSELF   
CG: YOULL BE FINE

TF: cAN i hAVE a hUG befORE yoU abanDON mE, yoUR onLY chiLD, inTO thE deeP daRK heLL oF preSCHOOL  
TF: befORE yoU toSS mE awAY tO thE governMENT foreVER  
TF: befoRE i neVER sEE thE faCE oF mY dEAR motHER agAIN :,(  
TF: thE goveRMENT!!   
TF: siiGGHHHHHH

CG: SWEETIE WERE NOT ABANDONING YOU WELL SEE YOU IN ABOUT 3 HOURS   
CG: BUT YES YOUR FATHER AND I WILL HUG YOU GOODBYE 

TF: i dONT thiNK yoU undERSTAND thE grAVITY oF thIS sitUATION  
TF: i coULD diE mUM  
TF: i coULD diiEEE

CG: YOU WONT DIE YOULL BE IN GREAT HANDS  
CG: THE PEOPLE WHO RUN THE PRESCHOOL ARE VERY GOOD FRIENDS OF MUMMYS

TF: oH snAP reALLY? weLL yoU couLDVE saID thAT befORE :D  
TF: whO iS iT?  
TF: doES dAD knOW yoURE senDING mE awAY foREVER

CG: WE WILL ONLY SEND YOU AWAY FOR A FEW HOURS A DAY  
CG: AND YES YOUR FATHER KNOWS  
CG: AND THE PRESCHOOL IS RUN BY KANAYA

dave re enters the room. he herd most of the conversation through the walls

TG: relax kimye preschool is the fucking shit  
TF: but daaAAADD

kimye goes to dave and desperately hugs his leg and looks up at him. she hits him with her adorable sparkly eyes and just stares at him

TF: fatHER  
TF: iF yoU loVE mE  
TF: yoUD undeRSTAND

TG: kimye as a kid i never got to go to school and it kinda fucked me up so i think you should take this opportunity to have a proper childhood   
TG: it’ll be worth it i promise   
TG: would i lie to you lil kim?

he crouches down and holds his fist out waiting for a fist bump

TF: mmmmMMMMMMMMMMM

kimye finally gives in and gives her dad a rad high five. even if she doesn’t want to go to school kimye can’t resist a good bump. she noticed after that she gave a high five to a fist bump. she kinda just stares him down for a bit and then switches to a bump 

TF: okayfineILLGOTOPRESCHOOL  
TG: rad  
CG: ALRIGHT EVERYONE IN THE CAR OR WELL BE LATE


End file.
